I wasn't named

I wasn't named. You didn't even see me properly. I may have existed, but as a problem for you. You didn't want me, but I am here now and all you want now is that I vanish or die somehow.

I listen all of this, but still I like the space in here :) it's cozy and it feels home.

May be I won't be here for too long.

As I may be cut down, sucked out or just melted down by some bitter pills :)

But it's fine. May be I'll enjoy some last few days or hours maybe.

I am healthy and I am all excited to come and grow and see this amazing world now, but, it won't be possible I guess. But it's okay. Some other lifetime maybe.

I know, you have your reasons to abort me. I know you don't feel good about aborting me maa, and it's okay. I don't blame you for that.

Just do the least. Just pray for me :)

Just acknowledge me. I may have not been named but don't forget me. Please.

Tell my brother or my sister that I existed and I had to leave soon, you can lie about the reason ;)

But just let them know about me. I hope you find happiness and love and light maa :)

Bye!

Meethi cheeze

Ajeeb haina hum bhi
Jo pyaar deta hai, uss se pyaar chahte nahi
Aur jo nahi deta, ussi ke dhar bhatakte phirte hain.

Chahne wale koi aur hote hain
Par dete wo level hum kisi aur ko hain.
Kyu?
Shaydh dhikawa ke jhaanse mai aakar.
Mithas ko chakk kar.

Samaj tho baad hi mai aata hai.
Ki jo mithas achi lagti thi, wo mushkil ghadiyo mai saat nai deti.
Aksar wo kadwai dawai hi hume khade hone ka sahara deti hai.

Phir thodi samaj aati hai zindagi ki.
Par ye tho sirf ek padhaav hai.

Naa jaane aise kitne jagah
Hum aise hi anjaan bhatakte phirte hai
Hur roz, jhaanso mai khelte huye, apne aap ko na-chahne walo ke haato mai sopte hue.

Par shukra hai ki ek ghar hai.
Ghar hai jahan maa papa hai.
Bhai behen hai.
Hai kadwe jitne bhi, pata hai, wahin mera saccha jahaan hai.

After 13 years

School time was the best time of my life till now and the ones that I met in school will always hold a special place in my heart. Be it even 30 years from now, I'm still gonna have the same longing for meeting my school friends as if it was just yesterday that I had come to Mumbai leaving Jabalpur.
I never ever thought of meeting my school friends anytime soon. I searched for them on social media websites, and luckily I found a few, some are still missing. I connected with them, made some plans to meet soon, but I knew on the inside how tough things are as of now and it won't be possible anytime soon for me to travel to Jabalpur.
While searching and connecting to everyone online, I found this girl, with no name on her profile. No mention of anything related to our school, just that we had mutual friends and her face. That face reminded me of things, of mornings, of assemblies, of annual days, of recess, and what not. I followed her, and she followed me back too. We had a conversation after that and then I came to know who she actually was. Now I was actually able to remember, who she is.

Fast forward to some months ahead, and she was here in Mumbai. At first I didn't really knew what to feel, how to react when she reached out to me and asked me if I was free to meet. I didn't feel anything special at first, which was strange. We planned and we met. I showed her around some place in Mumbai, still I wasn't feeling things, I should've. Although I was very happy the moment I saw her. It was a flashback into dreams and memories and what not. The day ended and as I was heading back home, that is when it actually hit me, what had just actually happened.
I had actually met one of my friends from school time after 13 long years, and so much  has changed and yet our talks and stories remained the same. How magical it was to think of it.
I met her the other day too, and this time I didn't really show, but I was the happiest :)
And this time, I didn't miss a moment of realizing whatever that was happening was once a dream for me.
I'm thankful.
Priyanka, or any of my school friends if you're reading this, you may see this, or question this as to why it has to be so hyped.
But I feel, that is how actually things went for me.
That is how a part of me was taken away from me, forever, when I left that place and never got filled again, I just learned to live with it.
Dreaming. Wishing.
Now, thanking, when it is actually happening :)

First trek of the year 2018: Rajmachi

This was the first trek of the year. It was on the 10th of February. As usual I was all geared up a day before, with my rucksack and all the itenaries required. I woke up early around 4 in the morning, did my morning routine and left house by 5.

This trek was special, my friend Jasraj was also joining me for this trek. I've never been for a trek with anyone close to me. This was the first time, I was all exicited. I met him at Dadar station. We got into the train around 6:30 and met the rest of the boys. It took 2 hours to reach Lonavala. Once we reached, we took an Auto to the basecamp. Along the way I was introduced to all the new people that were coming along. We had a delicious lunch. We stuffed ourselves with all the good Maharashtrian food. After lunch we chilled for a while under a tree which followed by another instroduction session.

We summited for the top without our bags, we were camping somewhere else for the night.

We reached the top, the view was breathtaking. I sat there for a while, deeply resonated there.

After half an hour we were on our way back. We also experienced the amazing Kondana cave and the other small ones too.

 We reached our base camp in another half an hour, took our bags, geared up, and headed towards our camping spot.

I couldn't believe my eyes when we reached the camping spot, the spot was amazing. It was right in the middle of the jungle. It was like a movie set, I explored it as much as I can. I found a big crystal stone while exploring the place around and felt lucky.

Boys started taking out the items for dinner from bags while the rest of us went out to search for woods to burn. It took quite a while for dinner to get ready, but I knew it would be worth the wait. It was Pao Bhaji for dinner, and Prithvi the MVC( Most valuable cook) was cooking it. I ate 6 Pao's, I couldn't control myself. The food was beyond tasty. With my tummy full, Robston took us for another treat. Star gazing. He walked us from darkness into an open space and told us to look down for a while and then look towards the sky. We did that, it was magical. It felt as if the stars were just above us, we could touch them. We sat there for an hour or so. Then went back to the camping spot. I was tired, so I went to sleep.

I woke up next morning to the sound of the birds, again I was amazed by the surrounding we were in, it felt so magical. Prithvi greeted me with morning tea. After that, had some really nice Poha for breakfast. Started packing up everything early from tent to my things, as the trek down was from a long route. Lost our way twice while coming down. But it was fun.

Amazing experience again. Loved it.

Harihar fort trek

It had been a while since I have been for a trek. Also I've been going through a really tough phase. So had to clear out a lot of things, had to dump a lot of negativity out of it. So, I thought maybe this trek would help.


The trek was on 6th of November. All set for it, all the preparations done. On 5th Dinal also came to Mumbai, we met that day. The next day, on 6th, I was up by 4 in the morning. I had already packed everything that was needed for the trek, my backpack was all set. Left my home around 4:30 for Dadar station. My bag was a lot more heavier than I thought, but I was managing it somehow. It was around 5:50, I met Sachin at the station. We boarded the train around 6 for Nasik.

I had not idea how much time it would take to reach the destination, I kept my bag in the train, and stood near the door, listening to some songs. In a while, the train was packed with people and I have no idea how I stood there for 3 long hours, with all the aunties and uncles around and with all the fishy smell complimenting it. We were 6 guys in total, me, Saching, Akash and 3 more guys which I'll get to know a little later.


We got down at Nasik station, went to a nearby hotel had breakfast. Got into a taxi which took us to our base camp. It was a 2 hour drive from the station to the base camp. We chilled for around 2-3 hours at the base camp as rest of the team was arriving from the other end. They arrived. We had our lunch and started the trek as soon as we finished. At first it seemed to be very tough, my bag was tough and every time I looked up I would've only covered a little distance, which lowered the moral a little bit.

But I didn't stop on my own, I stopped when every one else did and in a blink of an eye I was seeing the orange gate up close, which was the objective for the day. The 70 degrees steep climb had the best of me, it was amazing. I saw the best sunset till now that day, the sky changing its colors from yellow to orange and then red and purple. It was amazing.


We reached the top, pitched our tents and in between when I looked up at the sky, it was something which I had never seen before. So many stars, I could see some constellation like patterns up in the sky. I was in an awe and kept looking at the sky for an hour or so.  The boys started cooking dinner for the night. While we were waiting for the dinner, I had a chat with Aklesh in our tent. Then I saw the most amazing moon I've ever seen in my life, it was rising up in the sky and like the sun it too changed colors. From red to orange to yellow and to finally yellowish white. It was the best.

I had my dinner in a while. We made the bon fire and relaxed for a while in front of it. It was beautiful.

The next day, I got up around 7:30 in the morning, got out of the tent. It was very cold but it felt good. After some time there were monkeys around us, I enjoyed watching them as it was long since I have seen a live monkey in front of me.

We had our breakfast and headed to the another end of the top. Now we were actually gonna touch the top of the fort. Top with the orange flag, we got there and it felt amazing. It was hot as the sun was shining bright but it felt very good.

We wrapped up everything and came down. It was quiet a trek. 

Pyaar ki taakat

I've always wondered why certain celebrities, certain big names, certain big people always say this one thing. "Thank you for all the love, you all have given to me"

I get this statement, but I never could understand how they could focus on all the love they received, when all the hate and negative things were much more than that.

I get it now, how they could focus on only the love they got. Because, love from a single person is much more than hate from a dozen others.

Recently, I posted a story, some loved it and reposted it. Messaged me about it. It felt so positive, so good. That even if 20 of them hated it, I would never mind because, the two of them loved it.

Thank you for all the love!

Two coffins

I feel,
Everyone in their life goes into two coffins.

You go into your first coffin when you loose out on everything both physically and mentally.
When you hit the rock bottom.

You go into your second coffin when the soul exits your body.

The number one coffin has many nails to seal you inside it. Insecurities, fear of failure, anxiety, many more, all of these are the nails. Once the final nail on the coffin is punched, there is one and only one thing which could help you get out of it. Your 'why?'. That is your key to get out of your first coffin. If your 'why?' is precise enough you'll come out easily. So if you feel that you're in your first coffin and you're reading this, this is the key I use to get out of mine, may be it works for you too, and if you don't have your 'why?' search for it as this is the only coffin in which you stand a chance to break open.